May 032015

My-Life-on-the-Swingset-Book-CoverComing Out Swinging


I’m sorta out about my lifestyle. In the sense that those important to me know not the details of what I do, but know that I am intimate with many different people. By those important to me I mean those who we might have conversations about sex with, i.e. my friends. I’ve never said “no” when someone asked me point blank, “Are you a swinger?” and I hope to never have to.


The bottom line is my parents don’t really need to know what I get up to in the bedroom, and it’s just as unnecessary to tell them about it as it would be to tell them what position I used last night. I am out at work. My boss & coworkers know what sort of shenanigans my weekends often involve and have no issue with it, with the “Don’t fuck anyone in the office” caveat, of course. I’m lucky I work somewhere that’s…let’s just say…strange.


Why did I come out to my friends, then? They also don’t need to know about my experience with double penetration. Mainly it was so I didn’t feel I needed to hide my new friends from my old friends, or be concerned that there might be cross bleed from the two sides of my world. As it stands now, I can be perfectly comfortable when one of my swinger friends shows up to a vanilla party. Though, understandably, it’s harder to convince my vanilla friends to give the swinger parties a try.


The cork is certainly out of the bottle, and the smoke can never all be crammed back in, so I’m ostensibly out. It’s a bit of a preemptive strike, too. I read an article earlier this year about a couple in my neck of the woods who were outed by a neighbor. This sad human sent an email to what seemed like their entire neighborhood; friends, family, PTA, local parents, staff at their children’s school, etcetera, notifying them of the “swingers in their midst.” This horrendous act isn’t horrendous just because I agree with the harmed party, it’s horrendous because it’s an instance of someone in no way affected by something making it their business, and that’s a little thing I call bullshit.


This left me thinking about something I’ve grappled with a lot since opening up. I’m out, but not all the way. I am hiding. In plain sight. With my friends, I’m open, wanting to talk about it, etcetera— but not with everybody. I’m not the model “Oh yeah, I know a swinger, he’s pretty normal” guy. We must remember, in times where we feel we’re not out enough, that the closet is not a binary. We don’t have to be “in” or “out.” We can straddle the line.


Coming out is a massive and complicated process. This is why I may still be inside the closet, but the door is open, and I’m shaking hands with everybody willing to shake mine. If swinging seems “normal” because we see swingers around us, then it’s really hard to suggest that we’re seriously awful people who are going to burn in a fiery pit, etcetera. It is our duty, as non-vanilla thinkers, to stand strong and admit to the world that we exist, that we like these things that we like, that we may be wearing a mask, but we’re still here.


I can tell you that being out amongst my friends is wonderful. I can truly be myself without having to worry about someone getting the wrong idea. It has hiccupped my relationships with a few people, and lost me one or two friends as well. But fuck them if they don’t respect something I’m doing that has literally changed my life and made me the happiest I’ve ever been. If you can’t respect that enough to accept it, I don’t want you in my life.


Am I telling you to come out? Maybe a little. Am I telling you to take care in doing so? Certainly. Am I as all-over-the-map as to be expected at 1:38 on a Monday morning? Probably close, but slightly more coherent. Did I use any brackets? Not this time, baby! One thing I can tell you about coming out is that it has allowed me to surround myself with people who support me, and there is no greater feeling in the world than having that community.


May 032015

Happy Masturbation May…Let’s celebrate with our Sex Book of the Month Giveaway!

About Masturbation: It’s awesome! Masturbation is not only sex with someone you love it’s also a great way to find out what you enjoy and to give yourself the gift of satisfaction and pleasure.

Masturbation May is a great time to be more mindful of taking some time for ourselves and enjoying the sex we can have when we are alone.

5 Benefits of Masturbation:

  • Relieves pain and tension
  • Releases endorphins and happy chemicals
  • Safe sex with no risk of STI or pregnancy
  • Reduces stress and depression
  • Increases immune function

Enter to Win: Come Again Sex Toy Erotica and read a hot excerpt below to whet your appetite.

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  Come Again

Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica, edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel

Excerpt from “Surprise” by Katya Harris:

“I have a surprise for you.” In the middle of fixing his tie, Gage looked over at Hanna. Interest sparkled in his winter-blue eyes.

“I thought we weren’t doing gifts this year.” Tonight was their second anniversary and they had both agreed that, what with the cost of moving into their new home, presents could wait until next year. Instead, they were taking a break from the redecorating that had taken over their lives, and going out to dinner to celebrate.

“I couldn’t resist,” Hanna told him. She shrugged. “It’s only something small.” A sly smile pulled at the corner of her mouth. “And it’s for the both of us.”

Smoothing down his tie, Gage turned to her. Hanna’s mouth went dry, the spark of lust that had been lighting her up all day intensifying to a flickering flame in her belly. Damn, he was fine, what her grandmother would call a tall drink of cool water. “Do I get to see what it is?” he asked, walking over to her. Resting a hand on his chest, her thumb drawing a caress just above his heart, she went up on tiptoe and brushed a kiss over his firm lips. “What are you going to do to convince me?” she teased. Large hands circled her waist, pulling her closer. The heat of his body enveloped over her, and Hanna breathed in the delicious smell of his freshly showered skin mixed with the citrus tang of his aftershave. Gage rubbed his lips along her shoulder to her neck, drifting soft kisses along the sensitive curve bared by her strapless dress. “I’m sure I could think of a way.” Hanna’s knees went weak. Her hands moved up, one gripping her husband’s shoulder, the one holding the box resting on the other. Slanting her head to give him better access, she sighed as pleasure gilded her veins. “You’re spoiling my plans.” Trailing more kisses up Hanna’s throat and along her jaw, Gage licked at her lips. She opened for him and his tongue slipped inside. He kissed her delicately, careful of her red lipstick. “Would you really mind?” Probably not, Hanna thought, but a little resistance now would mean greater rewards later. Slipping free of Gage’s embrace, Hanna walked over to their bed. Putting down the box, she turned to him and asked, “Don’t you want to open it?” Arousal was a banked heat in Gage’s eyes. He stalked over to her, his suit trousers doing nothing to hide the erection that rode down his left pant leg. She’d have to remind him to bring his jacket tonight. The box wasn’t big, about the size of a shoebox, and was wrapped in pearlescent white paper with a large gold silk bow. Hanna watched with mounting excitement as Gage tore open the wrapping paper. When he pulled the top off the box, revealing its contents, her pussy fluttered in time with her quickened pulse. From the side, she slipped her arms around his waist. Leaning her head against his chest, Hanna’s eyes were fixed on the box’s contents and Gage’s hands as they hovered over it, unsure. “Do you like it?” Tension was a fine hum beneath Gage’s skin. “Um, what am I looking at, Hanna?” Smoothing her hand down Gage’s stomach, she palmed his cock. He was still hard, the engorged length of him firm against her hand despite his apparent unease. Gage moaned, a soft rumble, his hips moving to push his erection harder against her stroking hand. “You know what it is,” Hanna told him softly. They’d laughingly teased each other about getting one a couple of times, both of them blushing and fairly squirming with excitement before they tumbled into bed for a bout of hectic lovemaking. Hanna had decided it was time to stop talking about it. Deft flicks of her fingers undid his belt and unfastened his trousers. Plunging her hand into his boxers, she cupped the heavy globes of his balls. Gage’s body tightened; he began to quietly pant. He shifted his stance, widening his legs, and with a grin Hanna slid her hand lower, the pads of her fingers rubbing over the silky skin of his perineum. His hips bobbed back and forth in his mounting excitement, and Hanna’s fingertips brushed the rim of his asshole. A sharp groan shuddered past Gage’s lips. “You like it, don’t you darling?” she asked huskily. “When I play with you here?” Her slender hand burrowed farther between his legs, her fingers circling the tight pucker of his asshole. It flexed beneath her touch, an intimate kiss. “So this is for me then?” Gage asked shakily. Hanna nodded. She couldn’t look away from where her wrist disappeared between her husband’s legs. Her panties were soaked through, her pussy aching for his ruddy cock, which was straining upward, moisture glistening on the swollen crown. “Yes. Just think,” she said in her best temptress voice. “Going out tonight, your ass crammed full with that plug. Sitting and eating dinner in a room full of other people while it’s inside you.” Her finger pushed lightly against the dimple of his asshole, and she bit her bottom lip in breathless pleasure when he bore down and let her in. The tip of her finger slipped easily into his rear even without lubrication. Thanks to Cleis Press and Rachel Kramer Bussel Amazon Barnes and Noble

Jan 312014

BBE14_hiresWhen I’ve had enough, I lift myself away from his reach. I lean in and kiss his messy face, tangling tongues with him to taste my own tanginess on his lips before whispering, “Thank you; such a good boy you are.”

I stroke his hair and caress his bearded face, reveling with him in this calm moment. As a treat I reach down to play with him, wetting my palm and rubbing it tenderly on the head of his bound cock until he is thrusting up into my hand, silently asking for more. Before he can get too invested in believing I’m finished with him, I stop.

“Do you want to be untied?” He shakes he head and looks at me coyly. “Naughty thing.” I smile, pleased, and reach for several more coils of hemp rope, resting them on his chest so that he can enjoy the weight and earthy smell of them until I’m ready to put them to use.

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